Goal Not Met :(
I was able to work 38.5 hours this week, 1.5 hours short of my goal. I am really feeling sad about it, yet I should be happy because this is the longest work week I've been able to work in a long long time. I only was able to work 2.5 hours today before calling it quits and heading home.
The Headache started on its rampage yesterday afternoon, and just kept building last night. I woke up this morning in pain, but sucked it up and went to work anyway. I probably shouldn't have bothered, because my brain was on fire and I wasn't able to do very much. When I found myself in my dark office not able to think of anything but my brain being stabbed with icepicks, I decided to head home and medicate before I had to head out to an ER because I waited too long. I have slept most of the afternoon, early evening, off and on. The Headache is not good, but I think the occipital stimulator has helped keep me from experiencing it at its worst. Normally when the pain starts building like this, and the stabbing pain starts it just jumps into the stratosphere of pain. This time it hasn't although the pain is bad enough. Is it wishful thinking or is the stimulator really helping?
My disappointment is that I want to be "normal" again. I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon. The Headache is still working it's hoodoo on my brain with every three to four days being pretty bad. I would say at this point I feel my pain is reduced to a functional level on my good days, and while still non-functional on my bad days so far it has not escalated to that pain plateau where I simply melt down to a puddle of pain and tears.
My left eye is swollen and my left sinuses are icky/runny, I'm extremely light sensitive tonight, and nauseous. All part of the constant continuum that is Hemicrania Continua! The pain is at a high level, and the medication doesn't seem to be making much impact - but on the good side, it's not getting worse at this point!
Hoping for a better day tomorrow, and that all have a great weekend. I think I may have to rethink my strategy about work - perhaps I am too quick to try to go back to full time? Will I ever be able to go back to full time again? Bummerific.
Give yourself a break - a big one. You did amazingly well to work as many hours as you did!
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better really soon.
I can definitely relate to wanting to feel normal again. But I've slowly created a new normal that suits me for now. Hoping you're better tomorrow as well.
ReplyDeleteI know in my heart I am going to have to make some permanent adjustments. Maybe I'm trying too much too soon, and am being too hard on myself.
ReplyDeleteThanks you gals for the words of encouragement...I'm gonna have to work on my new definition of normal too!