Monday, February 23, 2009
Work Day Fool
I Think I Fool Myself
I've been so full of hope the last few days, thinking maybe The Headache is disappearing - vanishing back to where ever it came from. Back at work today, have been having ice picks poked in my head part of the day, and by this evening a familiar heaviness is returning to The Headache. Very disappointing. Wondering if my pain difference was just a placebo effect from a dream. Wondering if I even have the capacity to rate my pain anymore. My objectivity is definitely shot. However I did work 5 hours today, and you have to add in two hours for commute time. Woo Hoo!
Good news or bad news, not sure now how to take it. I got a phone message today that barring my failing the psychological test I am in the study for the implant, and to setup an appointment for the baseline study. After that I will have to keep a headache diary for a month, and based on that information I guess they then evaluate me again (???) to see if I'm a candidate for the trial implant and IF I am a candidate and that implant helps THEN I get a real implant, but one chance out of three I will get a fake implant for three months.
I think this is why I am so desparately wanting a miracle fix for The Headache. At the best I am facing another month to three months of rollercoaster headache land. I read some comments that the headaches can be worse at first with an implant until they get the implant programmed correctly. I wish The Headache would just magically disappear, and had great hopes last weekend it would happen. Guess it is Alley Oop and back to the high wire act that balancing The Headache has become for me.