Thursday, August 27, 2009

Back to Full Time Work - Almost

Plugged In

After so many months of pain and struggling to find a solution for me that actually worked, I have hopes of returning to the life I left behind in 2007. My energy levels (post kidney stones) are getting better each day, and I am attempting to get back to full time work (which for me are 11 hour days when you add in the commute). My concentration is better, although I sometimes zone out still when my brain cloud interferes.

Its strange - my left eye still swells, but my left nostril quit running about a week ago in conjunction with the eye swelling. I get very brief but piercing stabs of pain that come in bunches, but I am not instantly being transported to PainWorld where I am a collapsing shaking quaking tearful glob of Jello. My doctor told me that my pain was severe enough I was getting "shocky" - literally going into shock from the pain, and that was why I get such extremely cold extremeties and shake like someone who is freezing to death when the pain gets in the 9-10 range.

This week, going to my PCP to be rechecked for the kidney stones, everyone commented on how much better I look. Much better than the comments of "You Look Terrible" or being treated like a zombie out to eat their brains.

I've now lost 13 pounds in the last month, which can partly be attributed to the kidney stones and not being able to eat, but I think also there is so much less stress on my body. I can physically move again and not be punished with wave after wave of pain by The Headache.

Strange what difference a few weeks make. Just last winter, I was searching for a solution that would keep me from having to go on disability. Just last spring I was sure I would not be allowed in the stimulator study. Just last month I was sure that The Headache was not going to get better, as it got worse for several days. Just two weeks ago the pain relief really started to happen, and now this week I am feeling it is here to stay. I'm even thinking about returning to graduate school next semester.

Is all the improvement from the occipital stimulator? I certainly hope it is, and I'm not just fooling myself. I'm just so skeptical by now because I have tried so many things that absolutely did not work. And truthfully, The Headache is still there, lurking somewhere ready to take control again. Sigh.

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