Saturday, February 5, 2011


Conversation Started

I let one of my bosses know how disappointed I am in my current ability to work and contribute.  I said I committed myself to seeing the business through the stream of installations and conversions last year, I am just very unsure how I can do that again this year.   I am not sure yet what I am going to decide, but I know that The Legs are my major obstacle right now.

I hope to talk with them next week, and see what they want to do and let them know what my limits are and if that is still acceptable for them for work.  I have thoroughly enjoyed my work with them.  I love their company, I love what I do - or rather did since I have cut back this fall.  I believe in their vision and feel that it is just going to take a little tip forward and things are going to take off even better than last year, which was a very good year for them for new business.  If my bosses think that we need to make a parting of the ways I will be sad, but they have been more than fair to me. 

I just can't in good conscious continue to be so unreliable and so illness prone as an employee.  I have ended up ill or unable to walk after the last two trips and have missed a couple of weeks of work each time.  I ended up in the hospital last summer probably as a cumulation of not taking care of The Belly properly while doing installs.  Not only do I feel bad about missing work, but it costs me money and it costs my employers money especially with insurance premiums and for lost man hours.  I hate that I have just gone from one illness to another the last few years; I had gotten a clean bill of health before I started this job nine years ago.

Incapacitated by this or that during the last seven years I have been injured financially also.  Co-pays, deductibles, out of network deductibles, travel to specialists, medication costs, missed wages have worked together to ruin whatever little credit I had.  I am lucky because my home has no mortgage, but even paying real estate taxes has been a struggle.   Not only do I have my own financial medical issues, I have my mother's also, and have been helping my brother pay for his prescriptions. 

I am terribly whiney tonight.  The lower dose of neurontin is not helping The Legs very much, and I am reluctant to keep supplementing with pain meds.   Feeling tired and woozy, think I will sign off and go to sleep!


  1. What will you do about medical insurance if you leave your company? As an independent I was paying BCBS $9000/year for both of us until four months ago when I had no more financial resources to pay. We just qualified for Minnesota Care thank goodness because Jim has to have surgery on his right wrist or it will become useless by summer. We are so fortunate that Minnesota has this option for uninsured... If the new healthcare bill gets reversed, we go backwards yet again for so many. Hang in there Emily. Slowing down with reduced stress if you end up leaving your job can really turn your health around and that's more important than any job.

  2. RRB&B: Angie, Minnesota is one of the more progressive states for state backed health care.

    In Missouri I would go into the high risk pool, I think my individual premium would be $500 or more a month, as my employer is small enough not to be covered by OBRA (COBRA is the coverage under this law). This means I would not be able to afford it.

    Until I am declared disabled (which is always a crapshoot) I cannot use Medicaid as a working aged adult with no children in Missouri. They don't have anyother options here that I know of. I might be able to get Medicaid for my Mom, but her coverage is pretty well paid for anyway without that.

    If I am not employed and become eligible to be employed later, right now if I drop coverage for x number of months my preexistings could be denied or not covered for a certain period. I have a LOT of preexisting conditions. This changes in 2014 for adults but not if they repeal the current healthcare legislation. I am certain for profit insurance companies (one of which I worked for) are lobbying like heck to get changes made that are to their advantage and everyone elses disadvantage.

    My job is not stressful for me because I enjoy what I do so much. For me the stress is being able to GET there and back, and physically being able to work without making myself worse. And you are right maybe reducing that stress will help me maintain instead of getting worse.

    I quit a high paying high stress job because I did not like the direction the big company was taking us. As a Christian person I made a decision that morally I could not manage my departments knowing that all of my people's jobs were going to be outsourced to other countries or just downsized. God put me in the path of my present employers and I have been happy ever since. For the non-believers in the crowd, you can just say I got lucky.

    As my sister said, I have a dream job uniquely suited to my knowledge my temperment and my curiosity. I just don't have the health to be there like I need to be. And that stinks.

  3. I am thankful that you do not reside in Arizona. We are unfortunately not very compassionate concerning people who are not in great health, though I personally try to do my best.

  4. Sorry to hear all that Winny! It sucks!

  5. shrimplate: Lived in Arizona for awhile in the 1980's (worked in SURPRISE Arizona - next to the high risk golf cart driving Sun City residents) I was in good health then so I didn't even worry about this kind of stuff then! I am glad there are some like you that put a personal face on healthcare, I know it is hard to do because bureaucracy doesn't want it. I try to have some humor about life as I run through the gristmill that is modern healthcare. sigh.

    Jessica: Yeah, it sucks. But hey, I need to get real about things too. I have been procrastinating way too long. Got to start working towards a realistic solution. big sigh.

  6. I'm sorry that it's come to this point for you. I wish we had a magic wand we could use to make things better; to continue doing the things we like to do including helping our loved ones as much as we do. I pray things work out the best for you. I think about you often.

  7. MP: I have reinvented myself a few times over my working career. Each time has been a great adventure, so hoping that will be the case now. Thanks for the thoughts!

    This is the longest I have stayed at a company since the 1970's, mostly because my boss believed me when I said I don't like to be bored, and they have been great people as just friends and acquaintances to work for. They let me challenge myself with whatever I wanted to try - a rarity in today's regimented workplaces.

    I had another fantastic boss at another company (Lester) who was the same way but the company we worked for gave me some reservations so I only lasted five years there. I missed working for him greatly as he also let me challenge myself. His wife has had just terrible migraines all the time I have known her, and just the last few years has gotten fairly good control of them.

    I am just going to have to approach this as another challenge. I so regret not being able to perform up to MY expectations.

  8. That does suck Winny. I also hate feeling unreliable as an employee. Yet I fear being financially unstable as well. And I definately fail to meet my expectations as well. But then maybe we create expectations too high for ourselves. I do know now that I am back to work full time that I enjoy the work, I enjoy the sense of accomplisment but I still struggle with the increase in pain and being able to perform up to my own standards. Yet I wonder if sucessfully going to work every day without missing any will be what breaks me again. it is what it is... we can hope our docs find something that works.

  9. Myth: I am having trouble even being at work part time. The financial consequences for me are real and brutal, but I just can't face the consequences of not trying to control my health issues either.

    I have worked past the breaking point too many times in my life and just kept going and going like an energizer bunny on borrowed energy. I have run out of batteries. I hope you still have a good supply!

  10. "I hope to talk with them next week, and see what they want to do and let them know what my limits are and if that is still acceptable for them for work." ~ At first I thought you were referring to the Legs... :)

    Sorry to hear about the work issues. [Darned consciences! They make everything more difficult.] But seriously, I know it must be really tough to think about the upcoming discussions/decisions.

    Like you said, God put you on your current path; He must have plans for your continued journey down it. Wherever that may lead.

    Sending positive, healthy thoughts your way!

  11. Heather: Made me laugh!! If I could talk to The Legs and make them behave I certainly would. They are certainly used to being smacked with my cane BLING! (The Legs not my bosses!!) Gosh, now I'm laughing again, and I'm so short of breath I'm gonna have to use an inhaler!!

    Thanks for the positive thoughts!! God knows best!