Saturday, February 5, 2011
I let one of my bosses know how disappointed I am in my current ability to work and contribute. I said I committed myself to seeing the business through the stream of installations and conversions last year, I am just very unsure how I can do that again this year. I am not sure yet what I am going to decide, but I know that The Legs are my major obstacle right now.
I hope to talk with them next week, and see what they want to do and let them know what my limits are and if that is still acceptable for them for work. I have thoroughly enjoyed my work with them. I love their company, I love what I do - or rather did since I have cut back this fall. I believe in their vision and feel that it is just going to take a little tip forward and things are going to take off even better than last year, which was a very good year for them for new business. If my bosses think that we need to make a parting of the ways I will be sad, but they have been more than fair to me.
I just can't in good conscious continue to be so unreliable and so illness prone as an employee. I have ended up ill or unable to walk after the last two trips and have missed a couple of weeks of work each time. I ended up in the hospital last summer probably as a cumulation of not taking care of The Belly properly while doing installs. Not only do I feel bad about missing work, but it costs me money and it costs my employers money especially with insurance premiums and for lost man hours. I hate that I have just gone from one illness to another the last few years; I had gotten a clean bill of health before I started this job nine years ago.
Incapacitated by this or that during the last seven years I have been injured financially also. Co-pays, deductibles, out of network deductibles, travel to specialists, medication costs, missed wages have worked together to ruin whatever little credit I had. I am lucky because my home has no mortgage, but even paying real estate taxes has been a struggle. Not only do I have my own financial medical issues, I have my mother's also, and have been helping my brother pay for his prescriptions.
I am terribly whiney tonight. The lower dose of neurontin is not helping The Legs very much, and I am reluctant to keep supplementing with pain meds. Feeling tired and woozy, think I will sign off and go to sleep!