Bad Weekend

Blah

Have rested most of the weekend trying to get better. I ended up taking some pain medication last night. I just have no perspective on how bad I am hurting any more. Apparently it was much much more than I thought.

I have become habituated to pain. I have NO pain free days even with medication. Unless I pay attention to physiological signs like tremors, inability to sit still, rapid heartbeat, or high blood pressure the difference between some pain and more pain doesn't seem to matter until I pass the threshold of too much pain. I have cognitive difficulties some days - not sure if it is just The Headache or just too much pain all the time.

I am losing track of the days. I did manage to haul my butt to work Friday and do some prep work for my coworkers who are going traveling next week instead of me. I am so tired right now it is difficult to get up and get dressed. I fall asleep doing things. I am still short of breath and I have started getting night sweats. Not menopause - I got through with that within a year post hysterectomy. I think it is probably just the breathing. The pain meds did help the pain I feel when I breath so that was a good thing.

I slept semi sitting up last night on the couch. That seemed to help as I felt I couldn't breathe laying down. The pain meds helped with the burning sensation I had when exhaling - maybe it wasn't asthma making me feel that way. Chronic pancreatitis can cause pain in the same region.

I'm not taking any pain meds tonight so I can make it to work tomorrow.   I am not looking forward to the increased pain levels at all.

I told my boss last week that I fear my body is giving out and I am feeling even more of a sense of urgency in getting my coworkers up to speed. There are somethings I just won't be able to communicate that come from working twenty years in this industry. We have another install coming up this spring so I am wanting to get everyone as up to par as quickly as possible for this.  My biggest fear is letting my company down.

I think I am going to file for short term disability again.  I actually had the qualifying event late November but I have been hoping I would be better and not need to file.  I hope there will be no complications with the paper work.

Sitting here with my little chihuahua buddy Emmitt re Squeaks re Baby WaWa asleep in my lap. He is now three and a half pounds and my vet says he doesn't think Squeaks will get much bigger. I am used to big dogs that grow for a couple of years. I guess chihuahuas only grow for a short while.  He likes to sleep a LOT so I guess we are a matched pair.

Hoping that next week finds you all well and hale and hearty.  I'm hoping it finds me at work.