Thursday, January 27, 2011

Fading Away

Disappearing Into Shiiiiiiininess

Long day today.  Very tired, tried to get myself together to go to work and just couldn't think right.  I couldn't get my act together to do much, and was "drifty" (that was how it felt anyway).  I fell asleep a couple of times just sitting down, and have had trouble breathing and walking although it is better today than yesterday.  I don't remember calling in to work, but I also don't remember making lunch for my Mom and apparently I did that.  She said I made her some soup and tuna salad sandwiches.

I am not sure if the problem today is from being sick with the flu or from restarting the neurontin.  I had discontinued it last week because I was getting so dehydrated I needed to slow down my digestion a bit.  I wasn't able to keep fluids in no matter how much water I drank. The neurontin makes my very fast digestion go even faster, so I hoped that not taking it would make things a little better.  Couldn't really tell.  I restarted it last night because I noticed I couldn't sit or lie still because I was jittery from pain.

The Headache is a bit ouchy tonight and my legs are jumping and jiving as I have tried to hold off on the neurontin.  I am going to have to take it soon and just give up.  I really really need to get to work but I also have to be able to drive safely and THINK!!!

The Belly threw a fit this evening.  Sometimes the pancreatic pain is like having a steel tipped cowboy boot kick you right under the ribs pushing all your innards around!  Not pleasant, but it did go away so I am happy.

The Legs are not happy at all.  It is amazing when you are really acutely ill like I was with the flu all other aches and pains drop into the background, but as soon as you feel better they pop up again.  Sigh.

Feeling insubstantial and ephemeral. I don't think I am tethered to the real world very well today.  Wishing the floatiness would disappear and I can stomp my two ouchy and numb feet in the reliably stable workaday world and get on with business.  It has taken me five hours to compose this little piece because I keep getting distracted as in - "oooooo looooook at the shiiiiiiiiiiiiiny liiiiiiiiiiiights, ooooooooooo shinnnnnny" then "was I doing something??" then "wow, maybe I'll go over here, but where are my glasses??" then "ooooooooo...." ad infinitum. 

I'm going to take my neurontin and go to bed. I think I started some dishes in the dishwasher that need to be put up but I'm not sure.  I'm afraid to look because they might be clean and shiiiiiiiiiiny....


  1. sound like you're trippin'! Not that I would know!

    I am sure it's the Neurontin...I got that way on Topamax.

  2. Jessica: Pretty sure its the neurontin too!!! Today I am having visual aura's that are taking over my ability to see - they are coming and going. Pretty and debilitating at the same time!

    Note to self: I guess I shouldn't just quit it and then restart it like that.

  3. Winny I meant to ask you. You commented a few posts back on my blog with this comment: "Fie on PPP. God is right - move on!!!...."

    I am at a loss. What does Fie mean?


  4. JBR: Great question. Sometimes I use weird words!

    This is a really old term - sorta means the same as Phooey:
    Definition of FIE
    —used to express disgust or disapproval
    Examples of FIE