Consumed

Surrounded

No pain meds today so I am consumed with fiery nerve defining pain.  Trying to see if the nausea is from me or the medication.  So far it seems to be me.  Not having any urges or physical feelings of withdrawal so now am certain I have not achieved physical dependence on the medication yet.

Went to my PCP and met with his nurse practitioner today to see if I can get a handle on the nausea and the pain.  I don't know if I have any pain management options left as the medication I have is about the strongest you can get, although you can get higher doses.  I have gotten such different opinions on spinal stimulation I am leery about even doing the trial.  Issues like incontinence become more important if I would have an open wound for a week. 

The NP gave me a prescription for suppository anti-nausea medication (promethazine) since I am having trouble holding down oral medication.  However, with other problems I have suppositories are not a very practical solution.  She also had blood taken so she could verify whether or not I had an infection (CBC) and also took samples to test amylase and lipase levels in case The Belly and my picky pancreas are what is causing all the trouble.  She also is going to check on the results of the EMG and which doctor I should follow up with (now not only is there my PCP and Dr. Welby, but Young Dr. Kildare head of the neurology department somehow got mixed in...I can't keep up!!!  I'm running out of psuedonyms).

The Legs and the pelvic pain acted up this afternoon - I am sure it was the second there was not a drop of pain medication in my body left.  I am finding it difficult to do anything, with the pain burning along my ganglion pathways.  I am just going to try to do the best I can.  The Headache is not happy either as I think my cup of pain is currently overflowing big time.  This was one of those days when taking blood felt like being stabbed with an ice pick instead of just a little poke.  I have been cold all evening unable to get warm and I am sure this is due to the pain levels being too high.  Not really able to eat anything either, so I don't have a lot of fuel in my system to run my engines and keep me warm.

The nausea is still ever present, The Headache is pounding.  The Legs are cramping. The Belly is hurting. I am whining.  I am going to go curl up with a heating pad and see if I can rest a bit.  Afraid there won't be a lot of sleep tonight for me.  Hoping against hope if I just tough it out the pain levels will drop and I can get back to almost normal. 

I complain a lot about my lot in life, but there are people out there with much worse problems than mine, problems that aren't just painful but have a host of other difficulties too.  There are children who endure procedure after procedure not only with patience but also grace, making the best of the situation they are dealt.  I remind myself that my pain and my personal suffering is just a drop in the world's ocean of hurt, and I should be able to function better with the blessings I have. 

I think I am going to work tonight trying to disect my pain and nausea and figure out if I can use biofeedback more effectively than I currently am able.  Onward and Upward!!