Still Sick

Tired of Being Tired

Woke up this morning determined to go to work. The Headache was roaring but I thought I can tough this out, it's not to my I can't work anymore point. I felt pretty good and had for quite a few hours. I headed into work a little late because I wanted to see if I could keep down breakfast. I got almost all the way into work (about 38 miles driven) when the nausea started up again. I pulled into work, stopped at my desk to disinfect everything I had touched, and left again with the blessing of my coworkers who had no desire to be sick on their three day weekend. I threw up my partially digested breakfast in the parking lot of a defunct restaurant I was driving by on my way back home.

I was running a fever again by the time I drove the 40 miles back home. What a waste of time and gasoline! I was so sure I was better. I am worried about my Mom because she is looking a little wan today. I'll take her to the ER tomorrow if she still doesn't feel well. I tried so hard not to expose her to whatever the heck I have.

The Headache was better this afternoon. I have noticed there are definite fluctuations of pain during the day, and still the ever present exacerbation of pain every three to four days. I am still holding out from taking the indomethacin, but am paying the price with decreased functionality and increased pain levels. The indomethacin never totally killed the pain, but it did bring it down to where I could function most days (truthfully I guess it really was just "some" days not most).

I swear my IQ is dropping as the pain increases. I think the synapses are so tied up sending pain signals my thunker signals are getting rerouted to some nether region. As I used to say when I was a stupidvisor, "let me sit down for a minute - if I not sitting on my brain I can't think!"

Besides the IQ droppage my empathy meter is hovering near zero. My tolerance tank is empty. My fatigue basket is full with new items to add to the ones already there. My fun settings are set to low. My humorometer has switched from hilarity back to tragedy. My compassion is compressed. My "why me" wattage is through the roof and I think I've got "optimist's block" where my glass has suddenly become half empty. Where did my half full part go?? And who can I blame all this on? Do they rent scapegoats by the hour?? I don't know if I could afford a full day.