Sunday, January 31, 2010

Pain Descends

Bad Night and Day.... ad infinitum

No pain medication, too much snow, sick, and then The Belly balks. Spent most of Friday fighting to tromp down the pain, Friday night and Saturday incapacitated for the most part, tonight trying to drink more liquids debating how much longer I can try to manage with heating pads, hot baths, pacing the floor, and hunched over pillows.

The Headache decided to have one of those days when the pain spikes quickly and then disappears for awhile and returns to do it once again. The right side of my head decided to jump right in and join the party. I finally turned the stimulator down after trying to kill this with electricity. The muscles and skin get "overstimulated" and then the stimulation starts to translate to your brain as pain too!

Thinking maybe I have another kidney stone as part of the pain, so I have been hydrating hydrating hydrating even through the pain and nausea. I think I am losing the pain battle tonight, but would like to make it until morning as I am actually feeling too sick to drive 45 miles to an emergency room. Darkness and cold and roads that have turned to ice just is hard to face when you don't even feel like sitting up.

I wish I could dare take another hydrocodone. I tried to get my doctor's office on the phone Friday, but they didn't make it in because of the heavy snowfall. I laugh, as I grew up where you had three feet of snow most of the winter, and drifts maybe 20 feet tall and you still went to work and got to school. Down here, three inches of snow is enough to close everything, and it looks like we got about 12 inches. Today it was melting where it was shoveled or scraped off, but tonight it is cold enough to refreeze.

I want to stop the pain, but I just can't risk another allergic reaction after how big the hives got last time I took a pain pill. I have had hives as big as dinner plates, and have permanent dark spots all over me where hives have broken into the vascular levels of my skin. I'm trying all the tricks I know to see if I can derail the ouchy train before it gets going full steam again.

The pain is coming in waves, then it backs off, then comes again. Not pleasant at all, and I'm whiney about it. I tell myself, you've been through worse and came out OK. I'm just very tired tonight and feeling ill, and I think that makes the pain seem worse than it probably is. I just have no point of comparison anymore, because I don't have any pain free days. I find it very difficult to be objective about pain anymore. It's a sore subject for me, pun intended.

I have to train next week at a client's for three days straight. I don't know at this time if I am going to make it. I'm trying my darndest to get ready for it, but it's a tossup if I can make it. I feel like I am letting my team down, and myself down by not being able to control my recalcitrant body. I wish I had a wonder twin, so I could say "Wonder Twin Powers Activate!" and fix all my problems with my wonder twin powers. Sigh. Wish I had a Gleek too... and an invisible airplane.


  1. Sometimes talking/writing it out is the best thing. Breathe deeply, exhale slowly. Take it momenent by moment. I'm sending my wishes up that you'll be able to do what you need to do. Please take care of yourself & know that I'm there cheering you on in spirit.

  2. Sorry your body is tormenting you so.

    I've chartered am invisible plane for you, it'll be there in the morning... if you can find it.

  3. Thanks Stephanie - I'll just have to go running about madly in the snow and see if I can find it. The neighbors will just think "There she goes AGAIN!"

  4. Diana Lee - you are right, getting it out there does help!

    As soon as I find my invisible plane I'm going to do a fly by to you and Stephanie and we can all whisk away to "No Pain Land" where Gleeks will bring us unlimited MaiTais and Margaritas while we lounge by the shady pool down by the palm trees reading trashy fiction, blabbing about movie stars we don't know and don't care about, and just be care free.

  5. Im having a rough couple of days WITH pain meds so I feel terrible that you are without. I hope your doc can help you feel better tomorrow when they open. You are in my prayers!

  6. Thanks Denise!

    After I drop Diana Lee and Stephanie off at "No Pain Land" I'll drop by in my invisible plane and you can come visit too!!! I'm so glad Stephanie chartered that thing - it's come in useful today...

    Not a great day today for me, sorry you are visiting the Pit of Pain too!

  7. ((((WNNP))) Sorry for your constant pain!

  8. Thanks JBR! I'm a wimp lately.

    I used to say to myself "Pain is transitory" to get through tough times...I quite saying that about 2 years ago....

  9. by the by, JBR, I'll drop by with Invisiplane (once I find that thing) and you can come visit "No Pain Land" with the rest of us. No headaches or other pain allowed!!! Just relaxation and friendship!

    PS watch out if Denise brings any brownies to No Pain Land.... wink wink