Monday, February 1, 2010

Dreaming of Running

Wild Horses

Dream time again - this time no drugs, no pain killers, more's the pity. Maybe its exhaustion making my imagination run wild?

Horses running through the air, thundering by, leaving trails of fractured light glinting from their heavy hooves. I try to watch them, but they are too fast. I try to follow, but they go where I can't. Wishing I could run with them to parts unknown, but I won't.

I'm not a horse person. I'm too short and trusting, they're too large and crafty. Not sure why the horses during a nap earlier this evening. A metaphore for how I feel about next week I am afraid - wild horses will have to drag me there???

My pain is better this evening, but I am sicker feeling. High lipase levels make me feel this way, but it could just be as simple as another infection. Not sure what to do.

I should go to the doctor tomorrow, but if I do that something else work related will have to slide, and I don't have the time for that. I was hoping to catch a ride to the client's with someone else from work tomorow evening because I don't want to drive the two hours feeling like I do, but if I do anything other than go to work it won't be possible. If I wait too long to see the doctor, I could end up back in the hospital. Maybe the horses in my dream were ready to draw and quarter me ala Genghis Khan style.....story of my life: darned if I do, and darned if I don't. Nothing is simple.

I was so happy I had some vestige of control over the pain, and now that is gone. Maybe my hope was what was running by in the dream, not horses. I guess it was for the best, I think the hydrocodone was making The Headache a little worse besides giving me hives. Maybe the doctor will have some magic pill up his sleeve that will save the day, but my brain is telling me probably not so.

I've been trying to eat beets because I read on an online support group for persons with Sphincter of Oddi and pancreas problems that beets could be beneficial. However, they seem to be going through me without digesting, just like the rest of my food, so not sure if I am gaining any benefit from eating these. Guess I should be glad I don't mind eating cooked beets or pickled beets.

I wanted to work on a project this weekend, and I have done nothing but sit around in pain and feeling sorry for myself. Suck it up Emily - time to get moving! Maybe that was the meaning of my dream?

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