Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Once More Into The Fray

Valkyrie Resolve

Heading back to one of our clients tomorrow.  Determined to get this visit done even though I am having difficulty right now driving 30 miles to work and just walking and getting up from a chair.  Heard Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries on the radio on the ride home, so blasted it while I drove as it matched my mood.  Very good driving music, but I found I passed a lot of people on the interstate while playing it.  Gets me in true kick ass mode, although my "kick ass" is not as powerful as it once was - the ravages of age and illness.

Can't take medication for the leg pain and be professional, so just going to breathe deeply and get through it.  Biofeedback helps with this, at least for a short while. I have accepted the fact that I can't drive the two hours up and the two hours back, so a co-worker kindly is going to drive me up and back.  I just need to drive the 30 miles into town and back.  Hoping I can make it down the corridors OK, since the legs aren't working quite right.  Hoping I don't whimper like I'm doing tonight, very unprofessional and whiney, but sometimes whiney wimpy whimpering is what I need. 

Wondering if I got a cane if it would help, but I don't think it really would.  Both legs now are bad, which is what happens when I don't just lay around and rest like I've been told to.  Other nerve issues are getting worse with the pudendal nerve, which is nauseatingly painful.  AND The Belly decided to act up today.  Need to apply that Valkyrie mojo to my whole body - hiya ah ho!!!.

Mom is still feeling very ill;  I told her if she is still running a fever tomorrow evening (which would be the fourth day since she got sick) we are going to the ER, no argument.  Hoping I don't need to face the ultimatum, hoping she is better tomorrow.  She felt better today, actually sat and did her crossword puzzle for a while, but the fever is still there which concerns me.

Work is getting quotes from other health insurers to see if they can get a more competitive rate.  The health insurers needed a health history for the last 10 years to help rate the group.  It was awful; I had to make a spreadsheet to hold all the explanations/doctors/dates they needed.  Depression was one I didn't have to check, but I am going to have to start calling myself mentally impaired because I'm NOT depressed.  After looking at that spreadsheet I thought - what am I doing still working??  Stubborn stupid valkyrie mojo! With me in the group I can't see them getting a good rate - makes me feel so responsible in a bad way. 

This is at least the fourth year in a row with double digit percentage increases from Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield - probably over a 100% total increase in cost if you take what they paid eight years ago when I started there to what they will pay if they renew, plus the benefits are so much worse.  Anthem is definitely a for-profit insurance company, not friendly at all for small businesses like I work for.


  1. I love that song!! I love to listen to classical when I drive for long periods, either that or perhaps NPR. I just do not like the car guys...they drive me nuts with their laughing...constantly! Why is Aunt Anne running the fever?? I love crosswords also!! Hugs to you on your special day!

  2. she's had the flu - fortunately yesterday was day four and the fever has stopped. She get pneumonia very easily and I was afraid it was going there because she has COPD. Won't get a flu shot either...sigh...I'll let her know that she has a crossword obsessed niece!! None of us caught the crossword bug!

    Driving with this blasting I felt like I could conquer the world, well at least the four semi's I passed.....

    Hope you get to feeling better. I think the car guys are from the Red Skelton school of comedy, laugh at what you say BEFORE you say it so people know they are supposed to laugh!!