Stop the Spinning Wheel, I want to get off!!

Nausea ad Nauseum

The Headache is keeping me up tonight. I'm excited about a project at work that we had a long meeting about today, but am hoping The Headache doesn't get in my way again. The nausea is pretty bad, but my legs have quit being jumpy from the pain. I've medicated as far as I dare to this evening, so no more medication no matter what for another 4 hours. Got the head spins - similar to the bed spins but no bed and no alcohol!

I am amazed at how many blogs entries I have posted so far this year! 150! And I didn't think I would keep it up over a couple of weeks when my niece dared me to start a blog last winter. I'm glad a few people think to read my blog, and have had some very helpful comments from them, but I think I would keep it up even if nobody read it because my niece was correct - it is therapeutic. It feeds my inner muse and allows me an artistic outlet as well. I might be able to have the same effect with a paper journal, but online is more fun! I have made acquaintences with some very astounding intelligent, informed and dedicated bloggers.

I don't know if I have ever gone into my own background as what I do for a living. I work for a small company that installs information systems in hospitals. My specialty that I manage for them is medical billing. I have worked all aspects of healthcare - as an administrative person at a VA outpatient clinic, as a billing supervisor, as an accountant for a large healthcare entity, as a systems analyst and trainer for a healthcare IT department, as a private consultant specializing in process change and analysis, as a special project manager for BCBS, as an operations manager over claims for BCBS, and now I work for this small company and our clients training new users, fixing problems, working as a consultant for billing and general patient accounting, as internal advisor on all things billing related, and as a project manager and programmer when needed. Before The Headache interfered I was more than halfway to my masters degree in hospital administration with a subspecialty in project management.

I love my job and these months where The Headache has required working less aggravates me. The only solace is that when I am feeling better I can turn work out very quickly! I don't have anyone that reports to me and that's great too!

My days at the claims circus at BCBS wore me out on people managing. At one time I had 74 direct reports and 16 seperate specialty work queues. That many direct reports is pretty hard to keep track of, and personality conflicts in a cubicle setting can get out of hand pretty fast. Somedays you just wanted to give two people who were feuding a couple of pocket knives and let them have at it in a locked room, and whoever came out alive still had his/her job. I think there probably was some rule against that in their employee manuals, drat it all! 99.9% of my employees were exceptional and worked great together but that .1% could cause more havoc than the rest combined.

Don't know why I am blogging about this stuff - I am sure it is as exciting to read as watching paint dry or waiting for water to boil. I met an ex-employee of mine today who was in the .1%, and perhaps that revived my PTSD - Post Traumatic Supervisory Dysfunction. Must've reminded me of Blood Sweat and Tears - Spinning Wheel!

Tomorrow Tomorrow.....

It's Been One of Those Days!

I was able to work today, but I guess it's Monday on a Tuesday for me! The Headache is still going strong, but was able to work without any medication today which is a plus, since I commute about 40 miles into work. The longer I can go without medicating, the longer I can stay at the office. Hoping that I'm not facing a week of Monday's. {sigh}

On the upside, my lucky bamboo plant seems to be growing taller and has put on new leaves. Maybe I am gaining luck! Oh, if that would be only possible. Perhaps my feng shui is wrong....maybe I should rearrange my space? Another day perhaps!

I read Jasmine's Cove blog entry about the vestibular system and physical therapy. Very interesting! I had not thought of inner ear disturbances causing headache misery. I wonder how many times this diagnosis is missed?

Trying to keep a positive outlook in spite of negative input. The sun will come out tomorrow! Bet my bottom dollar!

Brain Mold

My Brain Needs a Good Scrubbing

Another lost day today. My brain feels bruised and beat up, like a basketball that is starting to go flat. No work for me today. Too much medication to drive, too much head pain to think! I've got a breakout of hives that is in addition to my regular two year long hive attack. My face is puffy and itchy. Sigh...... My boss was wonderful when I called in too sick to come to work. I am so disappointed that The Headache is still calling the shots!

Tommorrow will be better. To reinforce that thought I think I will go into Zig Ziglar mode - How are you doing? Better and Better!!! I think I am heading towards my three or four good days of the week. Not sure what to do if my losing streak keeps going.

I guess I better get some Scrubbing Bubbles to remove the brain mold that has crept into my head these last few days!!! I may need a scouring pad as the mold is probably deep rooted by this time.

Sleepless Night

The Headache From Hell

I'm very tired this evening. I slept some of the day, but The Headache is still bouncing around my brain. I'm trying to wait it out. If I can just get the pain under control I think I will be able to sleep.

The lidocaine patches aren't making The Headache pain worse. I am much relieved. When you have multiple pain regions they seem to echo off each other, increasing pain with each echo. The lidocaine patch stops one major echo point so the shoulder blade pain is no longer feeding back into The Headache pain. Thank heavens!

I have had the stimulator set on my new stimulator setting since this afternoon, and it seems to be helping. Can't be sure since The Headache is still roaring along. If its psychosomatic relief that's OK because I'll take any relief I can get! If its actual relief, I am grateful.

My brothers did the weekly grocery shopping for me today. I didn't even have to ask, they volunteered. I have not been able to do much except take a shower and get dressed, and work with my computer a bit. It was very sweet of them to offer, and was a bright point in my day. They even brought the groceries in and put them up. What troopers!

I have had some really weird dreams today. Most of them were about being cold and trying to find the perfect coat or blanket to get warm. My body does the weirdest thing when the pain starts getting bad - my body temperature drops, sometimes to the point I am shivering. I wonder if anyone else has this problem? Sometimes my blood pressure will drop at the same time instead of increasing with the pain. Weird, eh? I got so cold in Cleveland waiting for my plane I bought two t-shirts and a shawl to put on as layers over my clothes and I still was cold.

The hypothalamus which is part of the mechanism of hemicrania continua, as it is in cluster headaches, controls body temperature, blood pressure, and shivering. I think that the hypothalamus involvement must increase as the pain increases, and somehow is dropping my body temperature and inducing shivering. The same area that controls shivering also controls memory, so maybe that's why I can't seem to remember things when The Headache gets bad.

Hoping for a better tommorrow! I have been wishing that the stimulator will keep me from being disabled by The Headache. I guess I should just be grateful if I get some pain relief, even if I still have significant disablity.

Bad Headache Days 35 & 36 2009

Travel Travails

Made my way back from Cleveland Thursday, delays delays delays with an hour on the tarmac in Chicago coming back. The smells of airplane fuel and hot tarmac compounded with hot humidity and airflight turbulence shook my brain into a state of pain.

I arrived at the airport late, and was only able to drive about an hour before I had to get a hotel room and spend the night. The Headache was already starting its run Thursday night and its still going today (Saturday). I'm pretty well not doing anything, trying to make it behave. I tried to work yesterday but called it quits very early. I hope to work from home tomorrow if The Headache behaves itself.

I did take the RTA system in Cleveland (public transport), and I have to say they have a pretty good system there. My study coordinator Lilly walked with me to show me a shortcut to a rail station that cut almost a half hour off my trip back to the airport. Thank you Lilly!

My incisions are healed, and a nice doctor (my specialist had a family emergency and couldn't be there) prescribed some lidocaine dermal patches for the nerve pain I am having under my right shoulder blade. Used one last night and it worked. Will see what happens tonight, but I am afraid it may have aggravated The Headache, so if The Headache gets worse I won't be using these. These were designed for post-shingles nerve pain, so it seems to soak right into the nerves near the surface of the skin.

I can now swim - no hot tubs - so maybe I can swim a little before the summer ends. I don't think I will be going into any lake water, but maybe some swimming pool water would be nice. I have healed very well, especially since I am diabetic and that makes me a little riskier for post surgery infections.

The St. Jude Medical/ANS representative took a lot of time working with the programming of my stimulator. I did complain about the travel, but everytime I go I get a different rep so I am sure my complaining did no good. Fortunately I think I am near the end of the travel portion of the study. I have one appointment in two months, and then one at six months (December?) after implantation. The ANS representative said that at the next appointment they will turn on all the programming and will be able to customize it to my needs. I also got a new "paddle" the radio frequency connection between the controller and my battery pack/lead. I thought I just wasn't able to find my butt where it is implanted (although it is a good sized target) but I guess it was a defective part!

I drank orange juice yesterday morning before I remembered my headache specialists warning about high potassium levels and increased levels of pain. Yes, it did ramp up The Headache worse. I tried drowning it out with water, but too little too late. She said when possible drink lots of water when the pain starts ramping up to wash out the potassium. A nurse told me once that potassium also increases nausea, so it makes it hard to drink more when you want to throw up more.

I wish there was a lidocaine patch I could slap on my brain! The Headache is winning today. I'm going to crank up my new stimulator program I see if it helps when nothing else has. I'm extremely tired and my thinker has quit thunking so if this post is a little disjointed I'm blaming The Headache!