Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sad Clown Kind Of Day
Not a good day for me. I am overwhelmed with pelvic pain and leg pain. I actually could see today where there might be an end to me being able to walk or drive. I am at the edge of where I cannot handle it, physically or emotionally. The nerve pain in my feet is curling my toes and all I can do right now is hunker down and get through it.
The increase in pain medication has been good in a way and bad in others. The background all the time pain is less, and some of the heavier duty pain has decreased - this is good!!! I am doing more with less pain at the time I am doing it. This is good and this is bad. My pain stores get overloaded later and now I'm back where it is almost impossible for me to use my feet when driving. Pushing on the brake pedal is excruciating. The pain is up the legs and in my pelvic region and then up inside my lower abdomen. Using the accelerator is almost as terrible. This is bad. Sigh.
I am not sure how I will get to St. Louis next week to see Dr. House. I guess I will just be tough and get there and somehow get back. I wish I was wealthier because I would catch a plane there and back and at least would not have to drive four hours there and four hours back. I may drive up one day and back another so I can rest frequently. Hoping I don't have some kind of bizarre leg test while I am there that will make them go wonky...it would just be my luck.
I am bummed out, on the verge of tears. I try not to break down because that doesn't help anything, and then I start the pity party, and then when it's all over everything is still the same as it was when it started. I don't know what would become of Mom if I can't keep going, so stopping is not an alternative. I think it is just a convergence of suckiness and sickness and pain all at once. I need to come up with some kind of innovative solution for it all....
I wonder if you can get a kick start for your legs, like on a motorcycle?? I could rev my throttle, get'em spinning and then off I would go!!! Just like Fred Flinstone and that car he powered with his feet! Now I'm feeling happier already. I'll have a Yabbadabbadoo time running all the way to St. Louis!