Once More Into The Fray

Valkyrie Resolve

Heading back to one of our clients tomorrow.  Determined to get this visit done even though I am having difficulty right now driving 30 miles to work and just walking and getting up from a chair.  Heard Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries on the radio on the ride home, so blasted it while I drove as it matched my mood.  Very good driving music, but I found I passed a lot of people on the interstate while playing it.  Gets me in true kick ass mode, although my "kick ass" is not as powerful as it once was - the ravages of age and illness.

Can't take medication for the leg pain and be professional, so just going to breathe deeply and get through it.  Biofeedback helps with this, at least for a short while. I have accepted the fact that I can't drive the two hours up and the two hours back, so a co-worker kindly is going to drive me up and back.  I just need to drive the 30 miles into town and back.  Hoping I can make it down the corridors OK, since the legs aren't working quite right.  Hoping I don't whimper like I'm doing tonight, very unprofessional and whiney, but sometimes whiney wimpy whimpering is what I need. 

Wondering if I got a cane if it would help, but I don't think it really would.  Both legs now are bad, which is what happens when I don't just lay around and rest like I've been told to.  Other nerve issues are getting worse with the pudendal nerve, which is nauseatingly painful.  AND The Belly decided to act up today.  Need to apply that Valkyrie mojo to my whole body - hiya ah ho!!!.

Mom is still feeling very ill;  I told her if she is still running a fever tomorrow evening (which would be the fourth day since she got sick) we are going to the ER, no argument.  Hoping I don't need to face the ultimatum, hoping she is better tomorrow.  She felt better today, actually sat and did her crossword puzzle for a while, but the fever is still there which concerns me.

Work is getting quotes from other health insurers to see if they can get a more competitive rate.  The health insurers needed a health history for the last 10 years to help rate the group.  It was awful; I had to make a spreadsheet to hold all the explanations/doctors/dates they needed.  Depression was one I didn't have to check, but I am going to have to start calling myself mentally impaired because I'm NOT depressed.  After looking at that spreadsheet I thought - what am I doing still working??  Stubborn stupid valkyrie mojo! With me in the group I can't see them getting a good rate - makes me feel so responsible in a bad way. 

This is at least the fourth year in a row with double digit percentage increases from Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield - probably over a 100% total increase in cost if you take what they paid eight years ago when I started there to what they will pay if they renew, plus the benefits are so much worse.  Anthem is definitely a for-profit insurance company, not friendly at all for small businesses like I work for.

Nerve Agony & some Relief

Pudendal Pain and Sciatica

My neuropathy has been going off the scale painwise the last few days.  Went to urgent care Tuesday afternoon just to make sure I didn't have a urinary tract infection or a problem with The Belly.  Sometimes I get in so much pain everywhere it get's hard for me to determine what is happening.  When the tests for that came up negative, I then got an appointment with my PCP yesterday to see what I could do for the nerve pain.  He presecribed a medication that is in the muscle relaxant class, but seems to disconnect the nerve pain somewhat from the brain, called Soma or carisopordol. 

I am down to where it is very painful to walk, lie down, stand, sit, or drive a car.  I think its a combination of all the walking and standing I did at the client's last month, the prodding and poking at my cancer exam, and trying to clean house like a normal person (mop and vacuum).  My feet are freezing, but the pain is like fire through the bottoms of my feet.  The muscles in my right leg are all bunched up (the right side is more painful this time) and I have nerve pain right through the middle of me in the "saddle" section.  The percocet I have doesn't even touch this level of pain.

My PCP said that lack of sleep lets the pain build up because sleep lets the nerves discharge and the muscles rest.  Well, I've not been able to sleep well for months, but last night I was able to.  He said I need to just sleep for a couple of days, take the percocet and Soma and see if I can get the aggravated nerves to go back to sleep.  Not sure if I can, we are short handed at work.  Not sure if I can work, I am so in pain. Augh!

I was able to work from  home yesterday, but the problem is that sitting up very long is very very painful.  I haven't called in yet.  I feel so bad for my bosses.  I just get myself where I maybe can be really productive and something like this happens.

My PCP and I discussed my longterm prognosis with this being from radiation side effects.  Not good.  Probably more pain, more disability in my future.  However, I did sleep last night with the Soma. I am in quite a bit of pain now, thinking I should take another one (one every twelve hours is the script and it's been over 12) but will check with the office first.  I wonder if it helps headaches?  The percocet makes The Headache worse.  My PCP seems to think I have high tolerance to pain, but I feel like my pain tolerance is very low for me.  Maybe he sees more people with pain, and in comparison I'm tougher??  Or maybe he just wanted to boost my spirits.

Here is a pain scale from the Pudendal Pain website I found, it is one of the best pain scales I have found out there because it describes in detail the levels, although some migraine sufferers I know can have pain in the 9 or 10 range also.  I think I am at an 7 with the nerve pain going towards a non-functional 8.  Maybe I should take the medication, eh?

 

Comparative Pain Scale
	0	No pain. Feeling perfectly normal.
Minor Does not interfere with most activities. Able to adapt to pain psychologically and with medication or devices such as cushions.	1 Very Mild	Very light barely noticeable pain, like a mosquito bite or a poison ivy itch. Most of the time you never think about the pain.
	2 Discomforting	Minor pain, like lightly pinching the fold of skin between the thumb and first finger with the other hand, using the fingernails. Note that people react differently to this self-test.
	3 Tolerable	Very noticeable pain, like an accidental ut, a blow to the nose causing a bloody nose, or a doctor giving you an injection. The pain is not so strong that you cannot get used to it. Eventually, most of the time you don't notice the pain. You have adapted to it.
Moderate Interferes with many activities. Requires lifestyle changes but patient remains independent. Unable to adapt to pain.	4 Distressing	Strong, deep pain, like an average toothache, the initial pain from a bee sting, or minor trauma to part of the body, such as stubbing your toe real hard. So strong you notice the pain all the time and cannot completely adapt. This pain level can be simulated by pinching the fold of skin between the thumb and first finger with the other hand, using the fingernails, and squeezing real hard. Note how the simulated pain is initially piercing but becomes dull after that.
	5 Very Distressing	Strong, deep, piercing pain, such as a sprained ankle when you stand on it wrong, or mild back pain. Not only do you notice the pain all the time, you are now so preoccupied with managing it that you normal lifestyle is curtailed. Temporary personality disorders are frequent.
	6 Intense	Strong, deep, piercing pain so strong it seems to partially dominate your senses, causing you to think somewhat unclearly. At this point you begin to have trouble holding a job or maintaining normal social relationships. Comparable to a bad non-migraine headache combined with several bee stings, or a bad back pain.
Severe Unable to engage in normal activities. Patient is disabled and unable to function independently.	7 Very Intense	Same as 6 except the pain completely dominates your senses, causing you to think unclearly about half the time. At this point you are effectively disabled and frequently cannot live alone. Comparable to an average migraine headache.
	8 Utterly Horrible	Pain so intense you can no longer think clearly at all, and have often undergone severe personality change if the pain has been present for a long time. Suicide is frequently contemplated and sometimes tried. Comparable to childbirth or a real bad migraine headache.
	9 Excruciating Unbearable	Pain so intense you cannot tolerate it and demand pain killers or surgery, no matter what the side effects or risk. If this doesn't work, suicide is frequent since there is no more joy in life whatsoever. Comparable to throat cancer.
	10 Unimaginable Unspeakable	Pain so intense you will go unconscious shortly. Most people have never experienced this level of pain. Those who have suffered a severe accident, such as a crushed hand, and lost consciousness as a result of the pain and not blood loss, have experienced level 10.