Back to Full Time Work - Almost

Plugged In

After so many months of pain and struggling to find a solution for me that actually worked, I have hopes of returning to the life I left behind in 2007. My energy levels (post kidney stones) are getting better each day, and I am attempting to get back to full time work (which for me are 11 hour days when you add in the commute). My concentration is better, although I sometimes zone out still when my brain cloud interferes.

Its strange - my left eye still swells, but my left nostril quit running about a week ago in conjunction with the eye swelling. I get very brief but piercing stabs of pain that come in bunches, but I am not instantly being transported to PainWorld where I am a collapsing shaking quaking tearful glob of Jello. My doctor told me that my pain was severe enough I was getting "shocky" - literally going into shock from the pain, and that was why I get such extremely cold extremeties and shake like someone who is freezing to death when the pain gets in the 9-10 range.

This week, going to my PCP to be rechecked for the kidney stones, everyone commented on how much better I look. Much better than the comments of "You Look Terrible" or being treated like a zombie out to eat their brains.

I've now lost 13 pounds in the last month, which can partly be attributed to the kidney stones and not being able to eat, but I think also there is so much less stress on my body. I can physically move again and not be punished with wave after wave of pain by The Headache.

Strange what difference a few weeks make. Just last winter, I was searching for a solution that would keep me from having to go on disability. Just last spring I was sure I would not be allowed in the stimulator study. Just last month I was sure that The Headache was not going to get better, as it got worse for several days. Just two weeks ago the pain relief really started to happen, and now this week I am feeling it is here to stay. I'm even thinking about returning to graduate school next semester.

Is all the improvement from the occipital stimulator? I certainly hope it is, and I'm not just fooling myself. I'm just so skeptical by now because I have tried so many things that absolutely did not work. And truthfully, The Headache is still there, lurking somewhere ready to take control again. Sigh.

Good Day All Around

Feeling Active

For the first time in a year and a half, I was able to go grocery shopping, come home and directly unload my car and put up the groceries myself! This was after sweeping and mopping the sunroom and kitchen floors this morning. To most of you this might seem to be nothing - you do this all the time! It has been impossible for me due to The Headache to do this much activity on the same day and not end up in unbearable agony. I admit I did take a nap this afternoon, but that is because The Headache kept me up all night.

The remembrance of past pain and fear of recurrance rather than current pain was part of my problem last night. I did have to medicate, and the medication didn't really kick in until the second dose around 4 AM. I cranked up the stimulator program and hoped for the best. Maybe I didn't get the best but I certainly didn't have my fears realized either. Is the stimulator doing what it is designed to do? I wish I wish I hope. Maybe I can click my ruby slippers together a few times and my wish will come true.

Feeling pretty good today. The Headache is still here, but it is much lighter than it has been. Hoping this isn't a fluke, but a taste of things to come. Sad part for me is that I can't swim this summer, at least until everything is completely healed - which will probably be September. I couldn't swim last year - The Headache wouldn't let me. Looking forward to next summer if my electric head works well enough. Ready to get back to normal activity like my old self.