Want to Run Away

Bad Day, Bad Week

Ready to run away.  If I could get away from The Headache, The Belly, and The Legs I would.  I guess all that would be left would The Arms and The Back....hmmmm guess that's not practical.  Sigh.  My problems are inescapable but wishing they weren't.

New diabetic medicine, more thyroid medication from a new specialist, an endocrinologist, Dr. Kid (he seems very very young!).  The cankles are disappearing so maybe the low thyroid was to blame for cankle hell.  Will be glad to wear regular shoes again instead of the cankle friendly models I have been sporting lately. Not excited about changing diabetic meds since my diabetes is the one thing in good control...but he had a point that Avandia has had some pretty bad press lately, so instead of Avandia and metformin I am taking Actos and time released metformin.  Can't tell any difference so maybe that's a good thing!

Bad headache day Friday.  Not to the emergency room point, but bad enough I had to take major meds in order to NOT go to the emergency room.  Payback for the week and the traveling.  My head is still not working today, but I am trying to go medication free since I had things to do.  Actually napped for a while today which is really rare for me.

I feel ready to throw in the towel this weekend.  No energy, no mind power left. I'm tired of dragging my legs around trying to make them work, tired of the pain, tired of being tired, tired of coping, tired of traveling, tired of work, tired of things NOT working, tired of medication, tired of being sick, tired of doctors.  I want to jump up and down and throw a screaming fit about it all!  But I'm too pooped to do it.  Being old and tired and sick sucks, can't even throw a decent tantrum any more.

I knew I would pay a price for traveling to Michigan.  I went anyway.  This is my own fault.  I could have said no.  Too late now.  I need to quit griping and just live with the consequences.  I'm just not as tough as I used to be, not as tough as I want to be, not as tough as I thought I was.   Arrrrrrgh.  I'm just going to have to suck it up and get on with business.....if I can.

Winny Big Nose

My Giant Hive Revives

I have a giant hive on the end of my nose..or a giant something.  The plaquenil I took for chronic hives actually made is get smaller and even fade a bit so all that was left seemed to be a crop circle of freckles.  I could handle that.

Since going off the plaquenil and starting cyclosporine The Nose has started to puff up and get ouchy.  Not sure if this is due to going off the plaquenil or just because the cyclosporine doesn't have The Hives under control yet.  There is an animal disease called swine erysipelas that makes the pig's nose sore and turn up.  Maybe if the crop circle keeps growing I will end up with a cute upturned nose instead of the droopy schnozzle I have now.

I feel like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, but I am sure my nose is not as bright and puffy and shiney as I feel it is.  I am just self conscious about it because #1) it ITCHES #2) it's PUFFY and #3) my nose is big enough already without any help from the crop circle.

I increased the cyclosporine dramatically today per Dr. Calm.  Thursday morning I go get a cyclosporine "trough" blood test done.  First a pig nose, now I'm going in for a trough.  Doesn't bode well does it??  I guess it is just a spot check to see if my kidneys and internal organs are behaving themselves.  If the cankles get worse then I'll know the cyclosporine makes your nose glow and your ankles grow!!!

My leg and pelvic pain is with me this evening, but doing better.  The Belly is not happy but The Headache is just cruisin' along.  I'm debating not feeding The Belly to make it calm down, but I get pretty shakey anymore if I skip too many meals. 

Trying to get everything in gear so I can go and do my magic at the clients.  If my nose keeps up I'll be able to my magic in the dark by the light of my nose!!!  This may start to make sleep even more difficult than it is already - but maybe it can serve as one of those itty bitty book lites and I can read in bed easily.

I guess I'm like Rudolph, and belong on the island of misfits with my bulbous red nose.  But I have to say, with my dental phobia, I'm not sure if I would team up with a [gulp] dentist!!!

Anemic

A Reason For Being Tired

Dr. Calm had some preliminary blood tests done before starting me on cyclosporine.  Got the results back and I am a bit anemic.  Looked up the symptoms and they were very similar to the symptoms for hypothyroidism:  bone tired fatigue, cold extremities, mental fog, lightheadedness... the list goes on.  Being dehydrated can even make the symptoms worse, I guess because your blood volume is depleted to a certain extent.  Sounds a lot like I have been feeling, so glad its such a benign problem.

My feet are just ballooning and my face continues to feel puffy but The Hives have been breaking out all day big time, so not sure if this is the cause of the cankles.  Would like to be cankle free when flying up to Michigan in another week.  Maybe I can blame the cankles on anemia??  That would be something I could fix anyway!  If the cankles get canklier tomorrow I will call my PCP to see if there is anything I can do.  I won't have any shoes that will fit if I don't!!!

Feeling better tonight.  Maybe knowing there might be a physical reason for feeling like I've been pulling a barge over a sandbar has given me a boost.  Or maybe I'm just more cheerful earlier in the evening?? Or perhaps its the moon signs again??  Or just knowing out there in the blogaverse people notice and people care? Hard to tell.  I'll take what I can get no matter why.

I have a lot of health problems including malabsorption and chronic pancreatitis which could contribute to being a little anemic.  Will see if I can supplement with some sublingual vitamins since I don't digest most things very well.  That may be all the pick me up I need!

Hoping it is a great fall night for everyone and that you are all cankle free!!!

Where the West Commences

Traveling Underneath the Starry Skies

I am feeling much better this evening.  I had a very productive day at work, and hope to repeat it tomorrow and the next day.  I enjoy my work greatly, especially when I feel well enough to be there and to think.  Brain cloud beware, I am getting better! Disperse!

I am still very very tired but things are in much better control than last week. I foolishly quit taking the daily plaquenil for my hives after getting home from the last pancreatitis bout. The medication can be harsh on your stomach and can cause nausea, so I was trying to eliminate anything that might be making my pain and nausea worse. Now I am head to toe hives: I felt like finding a tree and scratching my back on it today, but took another vistaryl instead. I am taking the plaquenil again but it takes awhile to build up a blood level.

Will be traveling to a client next week, in the deep Southwestern United States.  Hoping I am up for the plane rides and trouping through the airports.  I am definitely checking my suitcase, but will carryon my boat anchor of a laptop.  It has some legacy software installed on it that I may need when I get to the client's.  Better to drag it with me, than need it and not have it.  I am sure I will find some use for it, if only to use the email to report back to the office.

I will be travelling with my full drug cabinet of medication, but am paring down the quantities - same number of bottles, but less pills to spill.  I ate some real food yesterday and today, hoping to be able to eat next week but I can always just go on with eating every third day.  I am not communicating my travel plans to any healthcare professional, as I am ignoring two different physician's advice and don't want to hear any flak about it.  They don't have to pay my bills: I do.  If there are any adverse consequences I will take the butt chewing later otherwise the less they know the better.

Liquids are staying down, and not only am I getting hydrated, but the cankles are threatening to return.  Oh the woe of cankles - I just know they will manifest themselves during flight time and refuse to disappear.  I get rid of them, and just when I don't want them - reappearo.

I'm going to make the legs behave even if they cankle up on me.  I am going to be a good girl and bring my cane and sensible shoes.  I am working to get The Belly in shape, and pray that The Headache will behave itself.  I haven't been to high desert climates since The Headache began, so hoping it actually will make The Headache feel better rather than make it worse!  The Belly really doesn't like to fly as I tend to dehydrate myself in order to control bathroom breaks, and dehydration makes it really ouchy.  I'll try to keep a little more fluid in my system than I have been when flying lately, so my hydraulics stay in better shape.  Cactus land here I come!

Return of The Cankles

The Horror!!

Trying to work this week and get a full 40 hours or more in, so far it has been successful. The biggest drawback is I am retaining fluids and my cankles have returned. Oh, the humanity!! Will the cankle torture never end?

It seems the sicker I feel the canklier my ankles get. I wonder if there is a pancreas/cankle syndrome out there somewhere?? I'm rankled about my cankles. I always had thin ankles and very small feet, now they are turning into stubby cankley blobs that won't fit into my shoes.

While I'm ranting - shoes are a very sore issue with me. I wear American size five shoes. Apparently all the retailers of shoes have gotten together and have decided not to stock my size shoes. I have been told by countless clerks to shop in the little girls section. I'm 50 years old - do they think I want shoes with hearts and shiney stars and Hannah Montana on them?

It's past midnight again, another sleepless night. Very productive day at work - did a three hour lecture on medical business practices and organization this morning. Wishing The Belly pain would go away. The Headache is behaving since the cold front whistled in last night. I'm feeling more upbeat - getting back to work always makes me happy. Have I mentioned before that I love my job?? The boss is recruiting to fill two new positions - one for my area of responsibility. Yeah! Wish I knew someone who would fit the bill - I know people, but either they can't travel, or they don't work well with others, or they like the job where they are at now.

Going to take another pill and see if sleep will come...The Belly burning gets worse at night for some reason. Working towards making it to Saturday without going to an emergency room.

Gastric Emptying Test Scheduled

Mmmmmm Radioactive Food

Have a gastric emptying test scheduled for next Monday with Dr. Hawkeye. At least I am not having to wait a long time to come in. I guess he wants to check how the old GI system behaves with food.

Hoping something will help with The Belly. The pain is constant, and pretty severe after I eat. I'm not eating much so I am starting to feel the effects of not ingesting enough protein. Dreading the gastric emptying test, because the description of the test is that you have to eat X amount of food that has been dosed with radiation. I don't mind the radiation - by this time I've been exposed to so much radiation its not possible to count the rads - its the eating I am dreading. My brother said the doctor mentioned macaroni and cheese. I haven't eaten that in months because of The Belly and the amount of fat in the mac and cheese.

The cankles are making a comeback. The trip to KC this week was enough for my body to say YES I want more cankle action going on. I think I should invent a device that will squeeze your ankles like a tube of toothpaste thusly rolling away the cankles. I wish I could roll my legs up like the Wicked Witch that got scrunched by Dorothy's house in the Wizard of Oz and then squeeze them out like a sponge. I've been off antibiotics for a few days, and fear that the UTI infection that was not an infection has come back.

I'm gonna have to get my positive groove back. I feel all whiney and wimpy. I just want to curl up in a ball protecting The Belly like an armadillo.

Barf Bag Envy

No More Cankles!

My Erpiness and Belly pain continue. Today has been minimal food day. I tried to eat a real sandwich yesterday and it didn't taste nearly so well coming up as it had going down. I am wishing I had some of these deluxe barf bags to take with me to the client next week. The nausea hits so hard and fast I fear erping in public.

I guess I shouldn't be embarrased about public puking. I have spewed my stomach contents in many places over the years, due to migraines. When I had migraines (instead of the hemicrania continua I have now) they were called "common migraines" or migraines without aura. They would often sneak up on me, and I would be somewhere doing something and then BOOM a full blown migraine.

The nausea often was my first clue that I actually was having a migraine - the pain grew gradually up to the point I got reaaally reaaally sea sick and then it was a skyrocket of pain for the next three to eight hours. I have thrown up in restaurants, cars, office trashcans, public toilets, parking lots, and the side of the road.

My worst experience was pulling my car over in front of this house hopping out of the car and projectile vomiting - bleah bleah bleah - and then looking up to see a horrified family having a picnic in their front lawn. What can you do? I weakly waved and hopped back in my car and drove quickly away! I had to pull over and just wait the migraine out in a parking lot down the street. Another time a friend and I were in Ft. Lauderdale and had just gotten through walking around downtown and were driving back to the hotel when the migraine hit. I warned him that I was going to pake, he didn't believe me until I started to heave - he quickly pulled the rental car over but not before I let loose on the passenger door. Eeeyou! Next time I told him I thought a migraine was coming on he listened!

I may have to just starve myself at the client's and stick to strictly fluids. I have been drinking some Ensure high protein but even with the pancreatic enzymes The Belly hurts. I've done it before, so I can do it again - it just takes inner discipline. On the plus side I have lost an additional four pounds this week. Woo Hoo! I have now lost all the weight I gained from taking steroids so long last year.

I go back November 10th to see the immunologists in Kansas City, and then I go for the endoscopic ultrasound of my pancreas. Hoping for pretty good news on these two fronts - my hives are actually better than they have been in two years! However my face is swollen and broken out with a rash of sorts - not sure if it is from the antibiotics or there is another reason. Hoping it goes away with the kidney infection that wasn't an infection. I have ankles again, very glad to get rid of the cankles I was sporting. Guess even tho I officially had no infection, the anitbiotic seems to have done the trick.

A weekend of rest, a week of travel, and then back home again to rest. I'm tired already and am just waiting for The Belly to calm down enough to sleep. Next week is going to be a long week I am afraid. Hoping the cankles don't come back, or I may need to get "The Circulation Booster" to get rid of them!