Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
I have wonderful Nieces and Nephews
This Memorial Day weekend is the third year in a row I have not been able to make the trip north to decorate graves. My mother and I made the trip every year, and go the rounds to clean up around headstones and put out flowers. This year two of my nieces stepped up and did some decoration for us. I ordered flowers for my father's grave and had them delivered to the cemetary, so my Mom felt that we showed that we remembered him.
One niece who lives nearby the cemetary called to say she was going to decorate Grandpa Jay's grave, and another niece and her husband decided to make a side trip on their weekend jaunt and visit and decorate most of the graves my mother and I generally did. I feel very relieved and grateful these kids (they are all around 30 years old so I guess they aren't kids any longer) would do this for their grandmother. Mom just doesn't have the energy she did since she had surgery for colon cancer, and I am just plain down and out this weekend, unable to do much at all.
My mother came from an extremely large family, and there are only three of them left now. This weekend is always a time to relflect on those no longer with us and value those who are still here. The gift of comfort my nieces gave their grandmother this weekend is priceless.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Woke up this morning determined to go to work. The Headache was roaring but I thought I can tough this out, it's not to my I can't work anymore point. I felt pretty good and had for quite a few hours. I headed into work a little late because I wanted to see if I could keep down breakfast. I got almost all the way into work (about 38 miles driven) when the nausea started up again. I pulled into work, stopped at my desk to disinfect everything I had touched, and left again with the blessing of my coworkers who had no desire to be sick on their three day weekend. I threw up my partially digested breakfast in the parking lot of a defunct restaurant I was driving by on my way back home.
I was running a fever again by the time I drove the 40 miles back home. What a waste of time and gasoline! I was so sure I was better. I am worried about my Mom because she is looking a little wan today. I'll take her to the ER tomorrow if she still doesn't feel well. I tried so hard not to expose her to whatever the heck I have.
The Headache was better this afternoon. I have noticed there are definite fluctuations of pain during the day, and still the ever present exacerbation of pain every three to four days. I am still holding out from taking the indomethacin, but am paying the price with decreased functionality and increased pain levels. The indomethacin never totally killed the pain, but it did bring it down to where I could function most days (truthfully I guess it really was just "some" days not most).
I swear my IQ is dropping as the pain increases. I think the synapses are so tied up sending pain signals my thunker signals are getting rerouted to some nether region. As I used to say when I was a stupidvisor, "let me sit down for a minute - if I not sitting on my brain I can't think!"
Besides the IQ droppage my empathy meter is hovering near zero. My tolerance tank is empty. My fatigue basket is full with new items to add to the ones already there. My fun settings are set to low. My humorometer has switched from hilarity back to tragedy. My compassion is compressed. My "why me" wattage is through the roof and I think I've got "optimist's block" where my glass has suddenly become half empty. Where did my half full part go?? And who can I blame all this on? Do they rent scapegoats by the hour?? I don't know if I could afford a full day.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Hives are no fun
Bad day, bad night. It seems that removing the stimulator and healing is causing some awful burning at the back of my neck and head. The Headache just continues unabated.
I slept most of Friday away. My mother told me she called into work for me (Yeah Mom!). For me the day is a pain filled sleepy headed blur. In addition to The Headache, The Belly is trying to get riled up probably because I have eaten some real food in the last week. I am broken out in fine hives in various spots from head to toe so I'm itchy and scatchy too!
Not sure what is causing the hives. It could be the trammadol or it could be the clindomycin I am taking/finishing up because of the implant trial. I hive pretty easily and carry an epipen with me because I have anaphylactic reactions at times. Hoping these go away in a few days since I have had some bouts last months and months.
I am going to have to start taking the indomethacin again as the pain just keeps growing and growing. I wish there was some kind of alternative effective medication. I've been taking the megadoses of B12 vitamins again. Those did help just a tad last summer but haven't noticed a difference yet.
We have some new birds coming to our yard birdfeeder. A flock of goldfinches has been stopping by, and a rose breasted grosbeak is snacking on the sunflower seeds. We have some indigo buntings and of course mamma and pappa cardinals. It's a colorful bunch this year!
The squirrels have been sneaking bites at the feeder when the birds let them. I prefer the smaller grey squirrels but the red ones are sassier. My fierce dogs try to chase one up a tree now and then, just for appearences sake, but the squirrels aren't very scared. I also have a flock of cottontail bunnies that are wanting to eat the garden up. My outdoor dog Bingo has been herding them away every morning.
Just a few miles away is Marrionville the town that has a bunch of white squirrels. The white squirrels pretty well just stay in town getting lots of treats from the residences. I have been to Marysville Kansas and they baby their pretty black squirrels just as much as Marrionville does their white squirrels!